For my part, I’m oddly conflicted about this in my personal life. I’ve always been a fairly modest person, ever since I started ‘developing’ early and was being stared at by 7th grade boys.

It makes me uncomfortable to feel like I’m being stared at or the center of attention, so when I breastfeed in public I try to find a quiet, out of the way spot…that’s not for other people though. I don’t give a flying f*k what they think, frankly. I’m offended when I see them eating meat, but I’m not going to walk up and tell them I think they should be ashamed of themselves. It’s none of my business. And I’m even more offended when I see someone giving their two year old a McDonald’s burger – on many levels – but still, none of my business.

The hypersexualization of breasts is what creates this discomfort, and I don’t know that it will ever go away. Breasts are nice to look at, and men (and some women) become uncomfortable when there is what they see as a sex object being mouthed by an infant. I understand this discomfort, and awkwardness. There is something that seems incestuous about it, if you’ve only ever known breasts as a sexual part of the body and not as a source of nourishment and comfort. It makes people uncomfortable to look at a breast, think that maybe it’s sexy, and then think about milk flowing from it into an infant’s mouth.

The problem is twofold, though – we live in a simultaneously puritanical and overexposed society. If the average woman is half naked, shame on her! If the sexpot in Maxim is half naked, we can display it in a store window. In some ways, it seems as if only attractive women are allowed to expose themselves in public…the rest of us need to cover up breasts, bellies, thighs, flabby arms, crooked toes…in essence, the message is “cover the f*k up, unless I think you’re hot!” And mostly, women with babies latched on aren’t all that hot, so no one wants to see it.

An increase in nursing in public could help this, as exposure would both normalize it (so that people seeing it wouldn’t be shocked) and help teach society at large that strictly speaking, breasts are for food first and your viewing pleasure second.

Sorry for the novel/rant!

PS: as for covering up, it’s been suggested to me many times, but I think people underestimate the will of a baby. Mattie has never tolerated one of those nursing covers (and god, I tried…) – he yanks, grabs, and tugs it until we’re all twisted up and I end up exposing more breast than if I’d just fed him without the damn cover. I think this is the experience with most mamas. Plus, as someone earlier mentioned, it’s important to have a connection with your child, and that’s difficult if he’s under a tent.

Today I was craving that taste, that comfort, but wanted to make something realrather than buy the processed stuff. I came up with this recipe for cookies, and it’s a hit! Mike has eaten ten so far, and I only took them out of the oven an hour ago.

These cookies are soft, but the oats lend a bit of crunch. Combined with the tangy-sweet apples, these cookies were exactly what I was looking for!

A note: sometimes the specific type or brand of ingredient matters, and sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve put the particular food item that I used in italics and parentheses after the ingredient listing to help you find the right ingredient for your cookies, but as with almost all cookies, experimentation often yields surprisingly good results!

Ingredients:

3/4 cup shortening (Spectrum Organic)
1 1/4 cups firmly packed brown sugar (I always use dark, because I like the taste of molasses to be obvious, but this is just a personal preference)
1 large egg
1/4 cup milk
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
1 cup flour (King Arthur Unbleached)
2 teaspoons Apple Pie spice (Penzy’s; if you don’t have Apple Pie spice, use 1 1/2 tsp cinnamon, 1/4 tsp nutmeg, 1/8 tsp allspice, and 1/8 tsp cardamom.)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
3 cups oats (Bob’s Red Mill 7 Grain Cereal)
1 cup peeled diced apple (Organic Gala apples)
3/4 cup coarsely chopped walnuts (optional)

Directions:

Preheat oven to 375° and grease cookie sheet.
Cream shortening and sugar in large bowl.
Add egg, milk and vanilla.
Beat at medium speed until well blended.
Combine flour, salt, soda and spices in a small bowl and mix into creamed mixture at low speed until just blended.
Stir in oats, apples, and nuts.
Drop rounded tablespoonfuls of dough about 2-inches apart onto prepared cookie sheets.
Bake for 13 minutes or until just set.
Cool for a minute or two on cookie sheets and then remove to a wire rack to cool completely.

Ingredients:

1 pound leeks, cleaned and dark green sections removed, approximately 4 to 5 medium
8 tablespoons unsalted butter, separated
Heavy pinch kosher salt, plus additional for seasoning
14 ounces, approximately 3 small, Yukon gold potatoes, peeled and diced small
1 quart vegetable broth (or 4 cups water + 4 teaspoons “Better Than Bullion Not-Chicken”)
1 cup heavy cream
1 cup buttermilk
3 tablespoons all purpose flour (I use King Arthur unbleached)
3 tablespoons nutritional yeast
1/2 teaspoon white pepper
1 tablespoon snipped chives

Directions
To prepare the leeks -

Cut off the dark green leafy parts, leaving only white or light green behind.
Cut off the “beard” at the bottom.
Slice the leeks in half lengthwise.
Holding the two halls together, chop the leeks into small pieces.
Submerge the sliced leeks in a bowl of cool water and swish them around thoroughly.
Let the leeks sit in the water for five minutes – this will allow any dirt or sand to sink to the bottom.
Using your hands, gently scoop the leeks from the bowl and into a colander.
Using your sink sprayer, rinse the leeks thoroughly, shaking the colander to make sure you get them all.
Set them aside to drain, or if you’re in a hurry dump them on a clean kitchen towel and press to dry. You can also use a salad spinner if the pieces aren’t so small that they’ll go through the slats.

In a 6-quart saucepan over medium heat, melt 3 tablespoons of the butter. Add the leeks and a heavy pinch of salt and sweat for 5 minutes. Decrease the heat to medium-low and cook until the leeks are tender, approximately 25 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Add the potatoes and the vegetable broth, increase the heat to medium-high, and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to low, cover, and gently simmer until the potatoes are soft, approximately 45 minutes.

Purée the mixture with an immersion blender until smooth. Stir in the heavy cream, buttermilk, and white pepper. (Note – if you don’t have buttermilk, simply stir 1 tablespoon lemon juice into 1 cup of milk and allow it to sit for five minutes).

In a separate small saucepan, melt the remaining 4 tablespoons of butter. Whisk in the flour and nutritional yeast, making a roux. Maintain just enough heat to make the roux bubble, but not burn! Cook, whisking constantly, for four minutes.

Whisk the finished roux into the puréed potato and leek mixture. The soup will thicken slightly as you do.

Taste and adjust seasoning if desired. Sprinkle with chives and serve immediately, or chill and serve cold.

• 3 Tbsp olive oil, plus more as needed
• 2 Lb yellow onions, sliced
• Salt (2 tsp Diamond Crystal Kosher / 1.5 tsp Morton’s Kosher / 1 tsp table)
• 3 tsp balsamic vinegar *

* Please, for the love of food, use a good, aged vinegar. This stuff is nothing like the watery salad-dressing balsamic vinegar you get. NOTHING. It’s a slightly sweet, near-syrup drizzle of heaven. You want something from Modena, Italy, and aged at least 14 years. Seven and nine year vinegar is too watery, and older vinegars are too expensive (at least for us…if you can swing it, go for it!). We use Mussini Riserva di Famiglia, which you can find on Amazon.com.

For the Walnuts:

• 3/4 Cup Walnuts or Pecans
• 3tsp Balsamic Vinegar

For the Sandwiches:

• Good bread, sliced 1/2 inch thick (we use Wegmans Garlic round loaf)
• Unsalted Butter, softened
• Granny Smith Apple, sliced 1/6″ thick
• Good cheddar, sliced 1/8″ thick, plus any other complementary cheeses

To make caramelized onions:

1. Set a large, heavy (not non-stick) skillet over medium heat. Add the oil, onions, and salt. Cook stirring occasionally until onions get somewhat brown, about 10 minutes.
2. Turn down the heat to low and cook stirring occasionally until onions are medium brown, about 30 minutes, adding more oil if they stick too much.
3. Add balsamic vinegar, and cook stirring occasionally until onions are dark nutty brown, about 15 minutes. Take off heat. You’ll have way more onions than you’ll need for grilled cheese, but that’s not such a bad problem to have.

To prepare the walnuts:

1. Chop the walnuts – a rough cut is nice, but this is a personal preference
2. Place them in a pan over medium-high heat and toast, stirring frequently to ensure that they don’t burn (do not use oil in this process – just walnuts in a pan!)
3. Reduce heat to low and add the Balsalmic vinegar, tossing to coat all walnuts evenly. Leave on heat just long enough to cook off any vinegar liquid in the pan – it should be coating the walnuts but not watery.
4. Remove from heat.

To assemble sandwiches:

1. Have 2 pieces of bread ready for each sandwich and butter each piece on one side (be generous with butter — you only live once
2. Turn on the broiler.
3. Set an oven-proof skillet, that can hold all the sandwiches you are making in one layer, over medium heat.
4. Place 1 piece of bread per sandwich in the skillet, buttered side down. Arrange caramelized onions on top of bread, sprinkle with nuts, top with 1 layer of apples and then cheese. The order actually matters. You want the cheese to be on top so that it melts quickly under the broiler and the nuts to be next to the onions so that they stick and don’t fall out. Cook the sandwiches until the bottom of the bread is golden brown.
5. Pop the skillet under the broiler for 1-2 minutes, just until the cheese melts. Check every 20 seconds since broilers vary widely.
6. Return the skillet to the stove top on medium heat. Top with the second piece of bread, placing it buttered side up. Flip the sandwiches, and cook until the bread is golden brown on the bottom, pressing lightly on the sandwiches with a spatula to “smush” the melted cheese down into the apples, nuts, and onions.
7. Serve with a German Riesling. It’s a food/wine match made in heaven.

Oh, dear god I’ve made a mistake. In ten minutes (plus four hours of hovering near the freezer and checking the clock) I’ve created the recipe that will surely be my downfall. By this upcoming beach season, expect to see me somewhere in the 200lb range, still stuffing my face with this stuff.

If you haven’t already, get into Biscoff. Biscoff cookies (speculaas or soeculoos everywhere but here) are little cinnamony shortbready bits of heaven. If that weren’t bad enough, they made a Biscoff SPREAD. It feels like peanut butter, but tastes like COOKIE. OMG. So. We both are a little obsessed with the stuff. Mike makes biscoff and nutella sandwiches, I slather it on apples, and we both are guilty of using a spoon and digging it right out of the jar. (This girl has a warning about it that is totally, 100% accurate.)

Anyhow…so this spread is something I search for excuses to use. I was wishing I had vanilla ice cream to put it on, when BAM! I realized that we had all of the ingredients to make ice cream. So, I did. And then we ate it.
…
…
ALL OF IT.

Without further rambling, here is the ridiculously easy and terrifyingly good recipe for Biscoff Ice Cream.

Ingredients:

2 cups heavy cream
1 (14 oz.) Can Sweetened Condensed Milk
3 tablespoons butter, melted
3/4 cup Biscoff Spread

Directions:

Whip heavy cream to stiff peaks in large bowl.
Whisk sweetened condensed milk, butter, and Biscoff Spread in large bowl.
Fold in whipped cream.
Pour into a 2-quart container and cover.
Freeze 6 hours or until firm. Store in freezer.

The real star of the show, though, was the food!  Here’s what we ate:

In the lounge area we had apéritifs, amuse-bouche of creamed cauliflower soup with a swirl of red pepper cream, and mandarin orange salad. Then, our wine selections (an Oregon Pino Noir for me and a Merlot for Michael).

At our private table we had a rustic rosemary bread with olive oil for dipping (which had cloves of roasted garlic in it), followed by our salads (mine: roasted beet salad with chèvre and fennel; Mike’s: Caesar made tableside). Next they served the entrees (mine: butternut squash ravioli in a brown-butter sage sauce with roasted hazelnuts, served in a roasted acorn squash; Mike’s: penne pasta with roasted red pepper, tomatoes, spinach, olives, and pine nuts in a white wine and garlic sauce), and finally a dessert of crème brûlée for me and key lime pie for Michael, with port and espresso…

Not to mention the champagne with chocolate truffles waiting in our room when we got back.

I’m still full from it all – and it was SO worth it. I’d point anyone to the Carnegie House for a special occasion. Just be sure you have money to spend, because for the State College area the prices are steep – probably the steepest. I can’t think of a restaurant of its equal – not the Gamble Mill, not Zola’s, not Alto. It was fantastic!

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 4,100 times in 2011. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 3 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Note: I’m posting all entries related to this project at The Grateful Life. Once a week, I’ll post here with a summary and links of recent entries, but most of the content will be over on the other blog. Keep checking here for the recipes, news, poetry, and musings you’re used to from me

I normally spurn the rash of promises, commitments, and resolutions floating around near the end of a calendar year, but this year I’m doing something different. I’m making a promise to myself – a resolution for the new year. 2012 will be a year of gratitude.

I’ve been inspired in recent months by two things. First, the book “356 Thank Yous” by John Kralik. Kralik documents his year of trying to write a thank-you note every day for one year. He doesn’t quite make his specific goal, but the change he goes through as a person is inspiring. Second, a relationship advice book that I found sitting in a window seat at a coffee shop. I flipped through it while drinking my machiato, and the very first exercise was  called “The Appreciation Station.” Nevermind the cheesey title – the exercise was great. The instructions were simple: tack two pieces of paper up in your home. On them, you each write something you’re grateful for or appreciate about your mate, every day for a week.

Both of these essentially revolve around the same concept: that in deliberately seeking out something – one thing – each day to be thankful for, you can manifest a more positive and grateful existence. Be it with your mate, or on your own, the very act of moving through your day with an eye toward those things you are grateful for necessarily shifts your outlook. In other words, it is forced positivity.

Negative thinking is easy to lapse into, and it’s hard to recognize without taking a step back. It is a simple choice, to look at something positively or negatively. For example – this morning I was peeved that I had to wake up before Mattie did, gulp down cold coffee, and go to work. Instead, I could have been glad that he was sleeping so well, grateful for any coffee at all, and thankful for the fact that I HAVE a job when so many are desperate for work.

I realize that I am a blessed person, but it is a distant and academic knowing. I don’t feel it. I focus on flaws, faults, shortcomings, lackings, and difficulties so much that I miss the real luck and blessings that I am surrounded with.

The final inspiration is something that I did as a gift for Michael. In searching for a cheap, personal, romantic gift for him I came across someone who had used a deck of cards to create a “52 Things I Love About You” project. It was simple and pretty, and full of meaning. So, planning to do that, I set about making a list. Once I started, though, I couldn’t stop. I wrote down 130 things that I love about Michael! I wrote them on gift tags and hung them from our Christmas tree for him to find.

In the process of coming up with the list, I remembered things about Michael and our relationship that I had forgotten, or that had gotten lost in the shuffle of everyday life with a baby. I thought of things that in the mist of the daily grind I tend to think of as annoying, but are really very endearing and cute qualities. I remembered how in love with him I really was (am), and I lost track of all of the little disagreements that can happen when you have an infant. Not to mention how loved and special it made him feel.

The positive effect of my little project was the final element that led me to want to undertake this new project. Every day, for one year, I will find something to be grateful for and write about it. I’m going to try and put them all on this blog (mostly because the public accountability will help me stick to it), but when we’re traveling or extremely busy I may jot them down in my journal and repost when I get a chance.

I invite you to join me! It doesn’t have to be public (but it might be great to get a bunch of us doing this), but this year, try to find something you’re grateful for every day. If you have more than one thing in a day, the more the merrier! Send me a blog address if you’re putting something online, or comment on my daily posts with your gratitude for the day.

Much love,

Lauren

But not yet. Today, brown butter cookies. If you’re making them for more than your own little family, I’d suggest doubling the recipe, or even tripling it.

I wish you could smell these

Browned butter cookies are kind of the Holy Grail of holiday cookies. They may not look as colorful or shiny as some of the others, but it would be a horrible mistake to pass them up.

(For those Indiana Jones fans, please do not carry the analogy further than this. You will not turn to dust if you choose a different cookie.)

Yield: Makes 16.

Prep Time: 30 minutes

Total Time: 50 minutes

Ingredients:

3/4 Cups (1 1/2 Sticks) salted butter
1/2 Cup dark brown sugar
1 Teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 1/3 Cups all-purpose flour
Raw sugar, for coating cookies (or any other large grained sugar, like turbinado or demerara)

NOTE: If you use unsalted butter, add 1/4 Teaspoon of salt to the dough.

Making Brown Butter

There’s really no trick to making brown butter. It’s a lot easier than you might think considering how delicious it is. Basically, just add your butter to a small saucepan.

Salted butter is good for this - as is Earth Balance

Then place the pan over medium-low heat until it melts. Stir the butter and after a few minutes it will start to foam and then the milk solids will sink to the bottom. Keep stirring or swirling your pan and eventually the butter will start to turn a light brown and give off a very delicious, nutty aroma.

That means it’s done.

Really the only way you can mess this up is to overcook it and turn your brown butter black. I actually think I overcooked mine a bit for this recipe because I was watching an eleven-month-old and not watching my butter. Go figure.

A shade too dark, but still delicious

Cool the butter

Once you have your brown butter, pour it into a dish (above) and store it in the fridge for about an hour. You want it to be chilled and almost solid before continuing with the recipe.

It’s okay if it’s a little liquid still, but it should be cold before you make the cookie dough.

Annoying but important step!

Making the Dough

Once your butter is cool, add it to a bowl along with your brown sugar. Don’t worry about the tiny particles of milk solids. You can add those also. They won’t hurt a soul. Cream the butter and sugar together – shouldn’t take more than 3 or 4 minutes to achieve a light and airy texture.

Then add your vanilla and slowly incorporate your flour. This isn’t a very wet dough, but that’s okay.

I think you could just scoop these on a baking sheet by rounded teaspoon or tablespoon and bake them without a problem, but if you want to take it to the next level, lay out all your dough on some wax paper and wrap the wax paper around the dough, then press down to form a cylinder.

You can make your cylinder whatever size you want. The smaller you want your cookies, the narrower your cylinder should be. Mine was probably about 1 1/2 to 2 inches in diameter.

Next, sprinkle down a good amount of raw sugar (or any very grainy sugar…you could even use colored sugar if food coloring is okay with you and you’re looking to go festive). Roll your dough log around in the sugar until it’s well coated.

At this point you can wrap your dough up in the wax paper and stick it in the fridge for a few days without a problem, or freeze it for a few weeks.

When you are ready to bake, just take it out and slice off as many cookies as you need.

Baking the cookies

Before baking, I like to sprinkle a bit more of the sugar on top of the cookies, which just gives them a little more texture and sweetness.

Bake them on an ungreased baking sheet in a preheated 350 degree oven for 10-12 minutes, until the edges are slightly dark.

The final cookie is light and flaky and melts in your mouth – think of it as an improved shortbread!

For the tart:
1 large white onion, very thinly sliced
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
3/4 cup whole milk, warmed
1/3 cup heavy cream, warmed
2 large eggs, lightly beaten
Freshly grated nutmeg, to taste
1/2 recipe pâte brise (below), blind-baked

Pâte brise (enough for 2 8-inch crusts):
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour, plus more as needed
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
6 tablespoons (3/4 stick) unsalted butter, preferably cultured, cut up and chilled
2 tablespoons plus 1 teaspoon vegetable shortening, chilled
1 large egg

To prepare the crust:

1. In a mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, mix the flour, salt, butter and shortening on low speed until crumbly. With the machine running, add 2 tablespoons cold water and the egg. Beat just until the dough comes together in large clumps.

2. Divide the dough in half and press each half into a 1-inch-thick round disc. Wrap each tightly in plastic and refrigerate until firm, at least 1 hour or up to 3 days; let stand at room temperature for 15 minutes before rolling. Alternatively, the dough can be frozen for up to 1 month; thaw in the refrigerator overnight.

3. For each crust, on a lightly floured surface with a lightly floured rolling pin, roll 1 piece of dough into a 10-inch round. Carefully transfer the dough to an 8-inch round fluted tart pan with a removable bottom, pressing the dough gently against the bottom and up the sides. If necessary, trim the edges against the rim.

4. Line the dough with foil, then fill with dried beans or pie weights. Freeze overnight, or until very hard.

5. To blind-bake a tart shell, preheat oven to 375 degrees.

6. Bake the frozen crust until the edges are set, about 20 minutes. Remove the foil and beans. Poke holes all over the bottom of the crust with a fork, then return to the oven. Bake until the bottom is set and the crust is blond, about 8 minutes. Let cool in the pan on a rack.

To make the tart:

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees. In a large skillet, combine the onion, 2 tablespoons of the butter and a generous pinch of salt. Cover and cook, stirring occasionally, over medium-low heat until very tender and pale gold, about 25 minutes.

2. In a large saucepan, melt the remaining 2 tablespoons butter over medium-low heat. Add the flour and cook, whisking constantly, until the mixture smells nutty, about 2 minutes. Whisk in the milk and cream in a slow, steady stream. Still whisking, bring to a boil and cook for 2 minutes. Remove from the heat and let cool slightly, whisking occasionally.

3. Whisk in the eggs, a little at a time, until well incorporated and smooth. Stir in the onion, then season to taste with salt, pepper and nutmeg. Transfer the mixture to the tart shell, spreading it in an even layer.

4. Bake until the tart is golden brown and a knife inserted in the center comes out clean, about 1 hour. Let cool in the pan on a rack for 20 minutes. Unmold and serve warm.

Yield: 6 servings.